The 3 Types of Communicators: Which One Are You?
Feb 11, 2024
What do you think makes a good communicator?
This week we’re discussing different frameworks for effective communication.
Do you know people who are really good at speaking in big groups? What about that friend who always makes you feel heard?
It’s easy to assume that some people are naturally gifted when it comes to communicating, while others simply aren’t. But that’s not true! This week we’ll dive into simple, actionable strategies to improve your communication skills.
Before we get into strategies, it might be helpful for you to understand what type of communicator you are.
The 3 types of communicators: which one are you?
It seems obvious, but it's always worth remembering: Not everyone communicates the same way, or for the same reasons.
Problems can arise when what is happening in a conversation isn’t aligned with our personal preferences. In this section, we'll walk through a few common differences between people's communication styles.
Once you figure out what type of communicator you are, it can be helpful to talk with your friends, partners, and colleagues to better understand how they think about their communication style. This can help you navigate inevitable differences that may arise in the future.
Askers vs. Guessers
Askers: Make requests knowing full well that the answer might be no, and they are okay with that.
Guessers: Only ask for things if they are pretty sure the answer will be yes. They also think that when others ask them things, they are obligated to say yes because they think the asker is expecting a yes. This can create the feeling of pressure.
Guessers can sometimes find Askers presumptive, and Askers can sometimes find Guessers passive-aggressive, or difficult to read.
Which one do you tend to be?
Volunteers vs 'Invite-Only's
Volunteers: Share information without being asked.
'Invite-Only's: Only feel comfortable to speak if asked a question.
'Invite-Only's can sometimes find Volunteers to be overconfident, self-involved, and lacking curiosity about others. Volunteers can sometimes find 'Invite-Only's to be guarded, boring, and lacking vulnerability.
Which one do you identify with?
Builders vs Maintainers
Builders: When someone shares something, Builders add something of their own, like a personal experience or a related story.
Maintainers: Affirm what has been said, or ask more specific questions about it.
Maintainers can sometimes feel that Builders are self-centered and keep trying to make conversations about themselves! Builders can be bored by Maintainers.
Do either of these resonate more?
The 3 C's of effective communication
Now that you have more of an idea of what kind of communicator you are, let's dive in to some specific strategies to communicate more effectively.
Here are three tips that will help you build a great foundation for communication, no matter your audience:
Be Concise: Distill what you’re trying to say into its true essence. People can get lost in long, circular explanations. It’s worth pausing to come up with the exact words that you want to say, rather than filling silences with fluff words.
Be Clear: Some people fear that being straightforward can come off as rude, but in actuality it’s more helpful to the listener if you’re direct, because it prevents confusion.
Be Considerate: This means being conscientious when it comes to your tone of voice, or the types of words that you use. For example, if you’re giving a presentation to a group of international students, you may want to avoid westernized idioms such as “beat around the bush” so as not to confuse people from different cultural backgrounds.
Remember, communication is hard, and no one is perfect. Pay attention to how people respond to you for clues on what you might try again or do differently in the future. Communication is a skill, so we can always learn from every interaction.
Some questions for reflection:
Do you consider yourself a good communicator? If so, why? If not, why not?
How might you be more concise, clear, or considerate as you communicate with others today?
3 ways to demonstrate Deep Listening
One of the hardest communication skills to master is Deep Listening. That's because as we listen, we are often distracted by our thoughts and emotions (or planning what we want to say next! 😜)
Deep Listening requires you to pay close attention to your conversation partner's verbal and nonverbal cues while listening to them.
To be able to do this, you need to suspend your judgment and focus primarily on understanding over responding. This can be hard, especially if you're trying to steer a conversation in a certain direction or towards a desired outcome.
Deep Listening is an active practice. Here are three great ways to practice and demonstrate that you are listening deeply. These strategies will also help keep you feeling present in a conversation:
Validate
Validating a person means helping them feel like what they are experiencing is normal and warranted.
For example:
“I’m hearing that you’re feeling frustrated and that makes so much sense given the situation.”
“It’s normal to struggle with feelings of anxiety.”
“I get that and I've been there before.”
Acknowledge
Acknowledging a person means identifying things that matter to them or things that they are struggling with.
For example:
“I have so much respect for the fact that you showed up today.”
“I’m sensing that this issue is really important to you, and that’s great.”
Paraphrase or Repeat Back
Paraphrasing what someone has shared with us can be a great way to help them feel heard and understood. It’s also a good way to check for understanding.
For example:
“It seems as though you’ve been trying to change things for a long time, is that right?”
"I’m hearing you are feeling angry about this and wish you could do something. Am I getting that right?”
Final thoughts on effective communication
There are many benefits that come with being able to engage with someone in a way that is focused, consistent, and offers value.
A few benefits of effective communication include:
Becoming a better listener by demonstrating understanding: It’s easy to assume that communication is all about saying what you mean to say, but good communication is also about listening. Whether you’re in a work meeting or having a serious conversation with a partner or friend, it’s important to know what your conversation partner feels and believes.
Preventing conflict: Have you ever been in a conversation at work or with a friend and it’s gone awry, but you’re not sure why? By being a better communicator, you can successfully dodge potential fights and calmly and clearly express yourself without causing misunderstandings. This can make life a lot smoother.
Improving Engagement: Have you ever been talking, and you see someone’s eyes glaze over? By being a more effective communicator, you can ward off the feeling of disengagement from your listener by being clear and concise. This will also allow them to ask questions to steer the conversation in a direction that interests them, too!
Remember: The art of communication is a practice! Try a different communication strategy than you normally use with someone this week, and observe what happens as a result.
Thanks for reading, and hope you have a great week ahead!
— Darya
