In a world that demands that we do more, and be better, accepting ourselves just as we are can feel impossible. 

On the other hand, accepting ourselves — with all of our flaws — may seem like a quick road to settling, to stagnating on our path.  

However, research suggests a different story. 

Self acceptance is the understanding and acceptance of oneself, including our strengths and weaknesses, our successes and our setbacks, without needing to be perfect.

Self-acceptance is correlated with higher degrees of wellbeing, resilience, and confidence — and lower degrees of stress and negative self-talk. Self-acceptance also supports positive relationships with others. 

When we’re able to accept ourselves as we are, our growth can be aligned with what is important to us, instead of simply growing toward what’s valued by other people. 

Self-Kindness Can Fight Perfectionism

For many of us, especially the recovering perfectionists out there (we see you!), it can seem near impossible to accept ourselves.

One thing that helps us accept the qualities we have that don’t feel like strengths, or experiences that feel like failures, is being kind to ourselves, also known as practicing self-compassion.

Being kind to ourselves is essential when we’re looking at aspects of ourselves or our work that may be disappointing, or less than strong. 

3 self-kindness and compassion practices: 

🤗 Treat yourself as you would a loved one: Imagine a loved one having this experience, and offer them warmth and encouragement. Holding that image, quickly swap in yourself.

💞 Use soothing language: e.g., “everyone struggles sometimes,” or "I am doing the best I can with what I know right now, and that is enough.”

🫶🏽 Offer physical comfort: Put your hand on your heart, and ask: what do I need right now? 

Expand Self-Awareness

Self-acceptance doesn’t mean we don’t still have room to grow, but it acknowledges that we are human beings on journeys of self-growth — with both successes and setbacks.

One of the best ways to learn to accept ourselves is to become more self-aware, which can be really rewarding. 

That said, self-awareness can also feel threatening sometimes. 

There are things that all of us don’t look at too closely because our critical voice can get loud. So, even as you acknowledge aspects of yourself that might feel less than ideal, please continue to practice self-compassion and self-kindness. 

Self-awareness includes: awareness of our strengths, weaknesses, successes, setbacks, learning opportunities, values, preferences, and needs. 

Some of those things that are less ideal might be the flip side to parts of yourself that are incredibly strong and unique.

While not easy, learning about ourselves this way, with compassion, can greatly improve our wellbeing and our lives.

5 ways to cultivate self-awareness:

⚖️🎊 Take time at the end of the day to celebrate successes, and acknowledge/learn from any “failures” or setbacks

✍🏽 Identify your top 3-5 values. For example: self-care, kindness, family, joy, peace, excellence, and more.

📔 Journal at the end (or beginning) of the day 

🧘🏽‍♀️ Practice mindfulness meditation, noting thoughts, feelings, and judgements as they arise

👂🏽 Ask trusted friends/family/colleagues for honest feedback on what they see as your strengths, and weaknesses, for an external (not to be confused with “correct”) perspective

Try Cognitive Reframing

Cognitive reframing practices help us create messages for ourselves that are more accurate, and more useful, than the more critical scripts we’re sometimes running.These practices are adapted from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

For example, if you’re thinking something like: "I’m bad at this and won’t ever be good,” consider the more accurate, and compassionate: "I'm still learning, and I can improve with practice." 

Instead of, “I should be more organized,” consider: “I am working on being more organized, and that’s ok.”

If you’re thinking, "I'm a failure," you can ask yourself: "Have I ever succeeded at anything?" or "What would a friend say about my accomplishments?"

Again, our goal here is to allow for our wholeness, to celebrate our wins and strengths, and also allow for our challenges and present weaknesses. 

Cultivate a Growth Mindset

Self-acceptance does not mean you must like where you are at. It's just an acknowledgment of reality.

Self-acceptance can help us feel celebratory about what we are good at, and find peace about aspects of ourselves and our lives that are less than ideal.

Our final practice for the week is cultivating a growth mindset, which helps us not only be more at peace with who we are, but helps us grow in ways that are important to us. 

A growth mindset is the belief that our abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work (in contrast with a fixed mindset, which is the belief that our abilities are innate and unchangeable). 

To continue to grow while practicing self-acceptance, here are 5 ways to cultivate a growth mindset.

5 tips for cultivating a growth mindset:

💪🏼 Try viewing challenges as learning opportunities. Consider “I am not good at this, yet,” “or “I am still working on getting good at this”

🤔 Take time to reflect on what you learned from a “failure” or a setback

🦄 Embrace your unique qualities. “I may not be where I want to be with time management, but I respond well to emerging needs.” 

👆🏼 Celebrate alignment with your values, not just “wins.” For example: “I am running every day to support my health,” versus a fixation on running X miles

🥳 Celebrate your progress: Consider a treat, a  happy dance, pat on your own back, sharing your wins with a supportive friend, or shouting: “I rock!” :)

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We hope this week's theme helped you gain a greater understanding of yourself, and new skills to be kind to yourself when things aren't going so great. Over time, self-acceptance combined with a growth mindset will help you build more confidence and strength!

P.S. If you could use help accomplishing your goals, busting through procrastination, or getting motivated — please join us at one of our live guided work sessions, or morning planning sessions! Our entire community is waiting for you.

Take care,

— Anna and the focused space team