To make sense of our day-to-day experiences, most of us tell stories.

Stories about our past, our possible future, what we deserve (or don't), and what might be holding us back.

Sometimes, the stories we tell ourselves feel so true, and so compelling, that we rarely stop and ask ourselves: are these stories helpful?

Are there other stories we could be telling ourselves that might also be true — and more compassionate? Stories that might help us move forward in a more positive way?

In this post, we'll share 5 of the most common stories that people get stuck in (including me, the author 😜) and how you can find your way out of them.

“I’m too much… and not enough.”

It's a contradictory story, but one that many people struggle with.

Maybe in your life you’ve felt like you might not be good enough for a romantic partner or a job opportunity. Or maybe you feel unworthy of something that you care about.

Or simultaneously, maybe you feel like you’re “too much” at times — too loud, too needy, too… something — for other people. Maybe that causes you to clam up and feel less comfortable being yourself.

For these kinds of stories, it can be helpful to just label the thought when it happens: "Ah, that's my 'not enough' story showing up again."

That can create enough space between the emotion and your sense of identity, so you can frame the thought as something worth questioning, instead of absolute truth.

It can help to ask yourself: where are my standards for "too much" or not enough even coming from?

Many things in life come down to compatibility and fit, rather than rigid measures.

You’re a human, in all of your messy, beautiful complexity.

P.S. If someone in your life is doing or saying something to make you feel like "too much" or not enough (assuming they are someone you actually want to keep in your life…) consider sharing your feelings with them in a simple way.

More than likely, making you feel bad is not their intention. If they respond to you with care and curiosity, they’re a keeper.

“I’m stuck, and nothing will get better.”

This is a seductive story because until something happens in your life to change whatever is making you feel trapped or stuck… your brain has endless evidence to convince itself that the narrative is true.

That makes it tricky to talk ourselves out of.

And, it can also keep us stuck where we are… because we may not feel like it’s worth it, or even possible, to take any steps forward.

Our suggestion is to first: acknowledge the feeling.

It sucks to feel stuck. It sucks to feel like you are powerless to change the things that are causing you problems! And it’s okay to feel like something sucks, you don’t have to pretend.

When you let yourself feel your feelings, and sit with them for a bit, it can sometimes be easier to try small experiments to make new things happen in your life.

For example, if you’ve been trying to make a decision and you’ve been trapped by overthinking, try an experiment one day where you’ve made the decision in your mind, and just notice how that makes you feel.

This experiment lets you try out the reality where the decision has been made, to give yourself some new information.

Long story short, if you feel stuck: embrace how much that sucks… and then try to build a habit of trying small experiments, over time, to give your brain new evidence that change is possible.

“I’m hard to love.”

Loving and being loved is so vulnerable.

It requires offering up the most sensitive parts of ourselves, knowing that doing so makes it easier for the parts of ourselves that we protect at all costs to get hurt.

Earlier, we talked about the narrative of being “not enough” and also too much at times. These feelings often go alongside the story that we are hard to love. 

Maybe you feel like when you get really excited, you annoy people. Or maybe you feel like when you’re going through a hard time, you are a burden to those around you, and that you’re asking too much of them. 

These kinds of feelings can cause us to withdraw from loved ones to protect ourselves.

A better strategy when you feel this way (aside from the long journey of cultivating self-love that we're all on…) is to offer gratitude for the people in your life who make you feel easy to love. 

When someone shows you love and care, even in a small way, let them know. You’ll likely see from their reaction how happy they are that they made you feel good!

It can also help to get curious. Ask yourself: "What part of me feels threatened right now?" to better understand where the narrative is coming from, so you can practice being more compassionate to yourself.

“I’m lazy.”

This is a big one, especially for folks that have ADHD.

If you struggle with procrastination, an overflowing to-do list, or anxiety and stress… this one might be familiar.

Sometimes we know what we need to do, but it feels impossible, and it can be easier to just call ourselves “lazy” than to figure out what’s going on under the hood.

Are you ‘lazy’, or are you actually distracted by endless scrolling on the slot machines in our pockets? Are you lazy, or are you just overwhelmed and burnt out?

That’s not to say that we aren’t responsible for trying to change our patterns if they are causing us problems in our lives, but it’s a lot more helpful to dig into the root cause, instead of labeling yourself with a permanent quality.

The “I’m lazy” narrative is actually pretty hard to get out of because our culture or work and productivity perpetuates it! We may feel like we need to constantly optimize our time and results, or we are wasting our lives.

It can be helpful to ask ourselves: who benefits from me feeling lazy all the time? 

“I should be further along in life by now…”

Here's the final story.

This is a funny one because depending on the way we grew up, the media we consume, and the people we surround ourselves with… we might become convinced that there’s a “right way” to do life, or an arbitrary “correct timeline” for doing things in life, like some kind of a checklist.

I think we all know at our core that neither of those things are true, but that doesn’t stop us from falling into this trap.

But some real facts to complicate the narrative: Life can change on a dime, in positive ways just as much as negative ones.

One week you might feel lonely because you’ve been single for years… and the next week you’ve fallen in love, even if you weren't trying to! 🤪

Life also looks different for everyone. Some of the most celebrated authors publish their first books later in life, for example.

Or someone might have a major breakthrough and learn something new about themselves, even in adulthood. Self-discovery isn't just for teenagers!

We all know these stories, and they are just as real as stories about people doing things earlier in life, but for some reason they don’t stick in our minds as easily as the stories of success that come early and easily.

It’s cliché to say for a reason, and that reason is because it’s true… life is (hopefully) a long journey, and you get many opportunities to start, restart, and reinvent yourself in little and big ways.

We’d love to end by posing you a question: What are some of the positive stories you tell yourself about yourself? Are you able to show up for others when they’re in crisis? Are you a bit scatterbrained sometimes, but that’s also what makes you super creative? 

Take a look inside your mind and see if there are some other truer, kinder, and more complex stories to be told.

✧˖°. ⋆｡˚:✧｡

I hope this post helped you think about the stories you tell yourself, and maybe think about how you might adjust them to be more helpful. I enjoyed writing it because I have been trapped by each one of these 5 stories at various points in my life!

P.S. If you aren't a member of Focused Space, but could use help accomplishing your goals, busting through procrastination, or getting motivated… you are welcome to join us at one of our live guided work sessions, or morning planning sessions!

Take care,

— Alexis and the focused space team